Grief is Sneaky
Grief is a journey, as the saying goes, but it always surprises me. For me it has never been a constant feeling hanging over my head or weighing on my heart. It is more like waking up one day to find a mysterious bruise on your arm that is really sore to the touch and all week long you keep bumping it.
I have found that some situations can trigger it. But more often, a glance at a photo or a situation suddenly makes you aware that grief is already there. Yesterday, the photo of Macayla by my bed made me realize the bruise of grief was there and very sore. Today, driving by the Krispy Kreme doughnut sign bumped that bruise again. Macayla loved those things! On the way to church, we would pass that lit up, glorious neon beacon declaring, “Hot Doughnuts NOW!” and Macayla would say, “Doughnut?”
I recently saw a family and their special-needs child. It had been a while since we had seen each other. I must admit the jealousy that crept up in me because their child is still with them, but God reminded me to rejoice with them instead. He reminded me to rejoice for the fact that Macayla is whole now because Christ is indeed the resurrection and the life.
Macayla is free. I miss her. I wish I could buy her a doughnut.