Yes, it was on this very day in 1998, that Jennifer and Jeff wed in holy matrimony. The beginning of a journey never gives away its future turns and paths. I truly never imagined we would be where we are or that we would have gotten here the way we did. But that is because God has a plan for us. He weaves our choices into that plan and this is a great mystery. An even greater mystery than marriage. One thing I have learned over and over is that God has an infinite sense of humor and an infinite sense of irony. Even more so, His great love and mercy. I am amazed and grateful for my bride, for she is mine and I am hers. I am thankful for the full house He has blessed us with in four children, especially the one that keeps bugging me while I try to write this!! Can't a guy get a little time to himself to blog?! Gotta go put some kids to bed and kiss my bride!
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I have been reading a book co-authored by Karyn Purvis called Connected Child. I can only speak for the first four chapters so far, but I think they are insightful chapters! The book is about how to parent adopted children from abusive backgrounds. I first heard about this book through the resources listing on the Show Hope website, Steven Curtis Chapman's adoption ministry. I think the book is worth checking out and maybe even refer extended family (grandparents and others) to it to help give them insight into what is going on with the newest members of the family. A recent trip to the beach to hang out with extended family went well, but upon coming home, we realized how difficult it was for our twins. It was a week full of establishing new relationships and relationships are some of the scariest things for them to face because of their background. It helped us see how to anticipate their struggles a little better and prepare them for meeting more of the family. Us at Hilton Head Island. Photos coming soon! One of the challenges the twins face is academic. For multiple reasons, they are missing some essential and foundational skills for learning. The missing pieces are inconsistent and scattered, more like a disorder than a delay. My wife, Jennifer, describes it like a tower of Jenga blocks where multiple blocks are missing. Their "towers" can't be built any higher because some key blocks are missing. In fact, we used these blocks to explain visually to the kids why they struggle with school. We have enrolled them in what we believe will be a game changer, not only for them, but for us too! We truly thought the adoption process was going to be a challenge, but it pales in comparison to the adjustment and challenge of new children living in the home. We knew going in, there would be behavior problems and challenges. We knew God was calling us to adopt. We read books and articles. We spoke with friends who adopted or were fostering. We prayed and thought about "worst-case scenarios" to prepare. But there is nothing like experience and some experiences cannot be prepared for...or can they? It’s official! We have seven-year-old twins! Savanna and Michael (James’ new name) are now part of the family. I think all of us were a bit nervous about the court hearing, but it really was quick, easy, and fun! I think it took all of five minutes for the actual legal stuff and the rest was celebration! I can now add photos of them on the website and so check it out from time to time. The first ones can be seen by clicking here. We are thankful to all of the family and friends who have prayed, listened, and supported us on this journey (that journey is ongoing, so we covet your prayers all the more now!) We are also thankful for the help of those at DSS that made this possible and the foster families that helped prepare the twins for this. We are grateful for the most recent foster family that have fast become friends! We are especially thankful to Christ for blessing us in this way and for continually giving us strength and wisdom to help these children walk through their challenges. We are thankful for our heavenly Father’s adoption of us and making us part of His forever family! More updates will be forthcoming, but for now enjoy the photos and thank you! He was an orphan from an abusive and neglectful background. Paul gave him a home and a forever family. Paul opened his heart to him and offered stability in ways the child had never known before. Paul knew it would take a while to adjust, for both of them. He expected some bad habits and even behavior problems from the child. Paul knew it would take a while for the child to trust him and know how much better life could be with him. Paul just didn’t know how long “a while” truly was. A young guy we know, named Hunter, has gone Home this week after his battle with Battens disease. He was nine years old like Macayla. When we lose a child or witness the loss of a child, it brings up many questions and feelings. It is so hard to understand, but there is more to the story. Be sure of one thing, God did not create Battens disease! Battens disease is a mutation, which means it is a deviation from what was intended, from what was created. Battens disease, along with every other way to die came from one decision. The Bible gives us a picture of God creating everything, weaving together different parts of creation, and once it was all finished, God looked at all He made and said it was “very good.” That means perfect. That means no Battens disease, no death. Humans were part of that creation and in order for creation to be “very good” humans had to be able to experience God’s love. In oder for humans to truly experience God’s love, they had to be able to choose it. If love can’t be chosen, it is not truly love. But with choice comes the real possibility that selfishness, not love, will be chosen. Grief is SneakyGrief is a journey, as the saying goes, but it always surprises me. For me it has never been a constant feeling hanging over my head or weighing on my heart. It is more like waking up one day to find a mysterious bruise on your arm that is really sore to the touch and all week long you keep bumping it. I have found that some situations can trigger it. But more often, a glance at a photo or a situation suddenly makes you aware that grief is already there. Yesterday, the photo of Macayla by my bed made me realize the bruise of grief was there and very sore. Today, driving by the Krispy Kreme doughnut sign bumped that bruise again. Macayla loved those things! On the way to church, we would pass that lit up, glorious neon beacon declaring, “Hot Doughnuts NOW!” and Macayla would say, “Doughnut?” I recently saw a family and their special-needs child. It had been a while since we had seen each other. I must admit the jealousy that crept up in me because their child is still with them, but God reminded me to rejoice with them instead. He reminded me to rejoice for the fact that Macayla is whole now because Christ is indeed the resurrection and the life. Macayla is free. I miss her. I wish I could buy her a doughnut. So, I am standing inside Frankie’s Fun Park for a couple of hours as Jacob plays in the “Fun House.” Parents such as myself are not allowed inside this two-story structure. We are left to watch through the mesh netting as our children wear themselves out. While all the children explore the fun overhead, other games are afoot below. Sure there is a seating area where parents can sit and watch their children, but it’s kind of dark and feels like lounge in a casino. |
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