The lies. The manipulation. The cheating. The defiance that says, "I don't care what the consequences are, I'm gonna do it anyway!" 

It is easy to become very fearful as a parent when you see these attitudes and choices in your child. It floods your mind with future criminal trials, drugs, teen pregnancy, violence, etc. As a former law enforcement officer, it probably stirs fears deeper for me than it may for others. These attitudes and choices were present in every criminal I ever arrested. Even in counseling others, these same attitudes and choices lie behind much of the struggles people face. Fear is an easy emotion as a parent.

Grief is a thief. It comes when you least expect it. It takes you off guard. Why did it slink in today? Why during car line at the school when I'm about to pick up the kids? There was no thought or memory that triggered it. It wasn't a song on the radio or something I saw. Suddenly, I was grieving over Macayla. I miss her so much.

Why then? God had a reason today. One of our twins was struggling. I could tell there was a lot of anger just waiting to boil over. I decided to press and see what was driving it. In the process, we had a God-sighting...

I have spoken with several couples or hear of couples whose marriages are falling apart. It is common in our culture and even more so among families with special-needs children. They separate or get divorced and often point to the stresses of the special-needs as the source of their failing marriage.

I disagree. We cannot blame special-needs, finances, or "falling out of love" with our spouse for divorce. Here is why I say this...

One of the challenges we have had with the twins adjusting to their new home has been the issue of food. Fortunately, we don't have to worry about the hoarding food as some adopted children have learned to do. We don't have to struggle with severe food allergies. We struggle with honesty.

From the beginning, we expected that they might try to say what they thought we wanted to hear. We expected them to try to fit in as best they could, even if it meant not being honest. It's kind of like the kids who come over for a sleepover and politely eat the dinner and say they enjoyed it, even though it was something vile like brussels sprouts. In our case, we don't eat brussels sprouts and this sleepover is permanent. We attempted to protect the twins from the problem of lying to try to please...

School has been a struggle for our twins. When they came to live with us, the word "hate" was used over and over to describe school and it was only because their limited vocabulary couldn't come up with a stronger word.

This summer they have been doing a program called Learning Rx  and it has helped tremendously. Michael has confidence that he did not have before. In fact, he said his favorite thing on the first day of school was math! He was excited that he could solve all the problems on his own and not miss them. Savanna is learning that she has to learn, not just guess answers or simply store it in short-term memory. She too knocked the math out of the park and that spurred her to try harder at Learning Rx the next day!

We know there are plenty of challenges ahead for them, even with school, but we are excited about this victory for now. They have needed some victories, especially with school. Our prayer is that as they learn how to learn, they will be able to grasp more important lessons about life, relationships, and Christ.

I was in a coffee shop and met a woman who I will call Kate. She is an addict and alcoholic. She has lived in abusive relationships. She has also made a lot of bad choices that fuel her problems. She claimed to be a Christian. I was able to share with her that if Christ truly lived in her, God will not let her be tempted beyond what she can bear, BUT with the temptation, in His faithfulness, He provides an escape. The moment the temptation becomes apparent, so does the escape. He does not leave us alone to fight these things (1 Cor. 10:13). This was hard for her to trust. She was about to go smoke a cigarette she claimed she didn't want to smoke because she wanted to quit. I promised her that if Christ was her Lord, there was an escape waiting for her.

Let me qualify that what is written below is written for believers in Christ. Those who label themselves as Christ-followers. It really makes no sense to nonbelievers.

We've noticed with our daughter that anxiety drives a good bit of behavior. It is understandable considering what she grew up in before foster care & adoption. We are beginning to learn how to identify and address it. It is not always easy to do so and not every situation is clear-cut.

Our counselor described it as a spiral. It circles around and the longer it is allowed to continue the bigger it gets. The goal is to stop the thinking (and therefore behavior) as soon as possible. This is not always easy.