Had a vivid dream this morning. Went to pick up Macayla from a home she was staying in. The dream never explained why she was in this home and not in ours, but we had not seen her in a long time and there she was. She was sitting in a recliner with the TV going and a nurse sitting next to her. When I walked into the room, I called her name and that wonderful smile came over her face! I was so excited that I literally fell over the recliner trying to get to her! She laughed even though she could not see me. She wiggled in her seat like she used to and got excited. I was able to stroke her hair and give her kisses. I made the noises she liked to hear and the smiles kept coming.
The the cruel reality set in. I looked up at Jennifer and said, “We need to get her home. Why hasn’t she been at home?” The dream started to fall apart as I realized Macayla died over a year ago. The dreamscape disintegrated, revealing my bedroom. I woke up empty.
But there is something better than a dream in our future. In fact, it is more real than anything here and now. We will see our girl again. She will do more than wiggle and squirm in a recliner. She will have full sight, the fullest sight possible. She will run and dance! I have all faith in what Christ has promised. There is a reunion coming, but waiting for it is tough.
I still find myself looking at items in Lowe’s or Wal-mart and think, “How could that be modified to fit on a wheelchair?” I still have a desire to tinker and invent things that inexpensively solve challenges created by special-needs. I have even been brainstorming about a portable misting station that has a self-contained water supply. That is so needed here in the South during the summer!
So, I still maintain the blog Uncommon Needs. It has all of the more technical stuff about equipment, medications, feeding pumps, etc. It also has links to equipment providers and a few ideas I came up with, such as a beach wheelchair that was cheaper to make than to buy one. There is also my special-needs bike trailer on there. These are the more popular posts for the summer. Please contact me if you have any questions or if you have ideas others can benefit from, please share them here or on the Uncommon Needs blog where appropriate.
As is often the case with grief, it is quite sneaky and can be the unexpected and unwelcome visitor. While getting something out of the cupboard, I caught a glimpse of the mortar and pedestal we used to crush Macayla’s meds. Later in the day, I saw a black Dodge hightop conversion van in front of Lowe’s and wished I was still driving ours, because it would mean Macayla was still with us. Then we had pasta for dinner and all I could think about is Macayla’s love for noodles. They were just memories, but for some reason these were not the kind that bring sweet sentiment. They brought fresh pain.